I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
