I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
