I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
