okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
