She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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