Your tits are I can't wait for
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
