His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
