I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
