the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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