Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
