some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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