Please, let me fuck your mom
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
