It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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