MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
