dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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