just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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