My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
