so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
