member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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