Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
