Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
