was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
