I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
