dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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