Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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