We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
