They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
