I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
