I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
