Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
