so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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