how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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