She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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