I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
