Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
