fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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