and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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