Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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