Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
