Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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