Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
