i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This baby is an asshole
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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