I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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