if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
