worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
