Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
