I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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