I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
