So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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