Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
