I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
