Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
