happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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