What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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