3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
