I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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