i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
