i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
