apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
