When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
