This is not my ceiling
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
