his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
