Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
