I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
