Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
