wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
COCAINE IS GR8
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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