I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
