My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
