A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
