That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
